The Marine Celtic bar

                                                                                                                                     

              

                                                                  

Commentators dont always get it right.Here are a selection of the foot in the mouth incidents they'd rather not be remembered for:

 

Rob McLean: John Hartson is playing superbly today.
Sandy Clark: Yes, Rob, there's no one better today.
Rob McLean: So who is your Man of the Match?
Sandy Clark: Alan Thompson.
Sportscene                                     

"Arvaladze fought his way into the penalty box there before falling to his feet." ALASTAIR ALEXANDER
Sportsound

"They each have to take 50% of the blame, Rio, Man United and the drugs people."
NEIL RUDDOCK
Talk Sport

"He's started to anticipate what's going to happen before it's even happened."
GRAHAM LE SAUX
BBC

"Maine Road was a great football stadium but as time went on it stayed where it was." KEVIN KEEGAN
ITV

"Chris Porter scored his first league goal last week, and he's done the same this week." JEFF STELLING
Sky

"Within a couple of minutes he had scored two goals in a two minute period."
ALAN PARRY

"For a player to ask for a transfer has opened everybody's eyebrows."
BOBBY ROBSON

"Even when you're dead you shouldn't lie down and let yourself be buried."
GORDON LEE

"Thank you for evoking memories. Particularly of days gone by."
MIKE INGHAM

"There'll be more football in a few moments. First, here's highlights of the Scottish League Cup final."
GARY NEWBON

"I don't think they're as good as they are."
KEVIN KEEGAN

"He's got a lovely left foot - like a lot of left-footers."
BRIAN HAMILTON
Eurosport

"He went down there like a pack of cards."
CHRIS KAMARA
Sky

"He's one of the greatest players in the world, if not anywhere.""
FOOTBALL AGENT
Channel 4 News

"I've always been a childhood fan of Liverpool."
HARRY KEWELL
Yahoo Sport

"Peter Beardsley has got a few tricks up his book."
IAN SNODIN
Sky Sports

"We always seem to be drawn out of the computer to play away first game of the season." ALEX McLEISH
Radio Scotland

"That was a very good pass to no one in particular."
BARRY DAVIS
BBC

"He went through a non-existant gap..."
JOHN MOTSON
BBC

"I'm sure if they both left it to each other then they would have scored."
ALAN PARRY
ITV

"If you took the thoughts out of my head I'd be as well not living on this planet."
TONY FITZPATRICK
Radio Scotland

"Last week we were in Russia and saw the Acrylic alphabet putting McCoist up on the scoreboard"
ALISTAIR ALEXANDER
Radio Scotland

"Wayne Rooney has a man's body on a teenage head."
GEORGE GRAHAM
Sky

"Terry Venables has literally had his legs cut off from underneath him three times while he's been manager."
BARRY VENISON
ITV

"I'd say he's the best in Europe, if you put me on the fence"
SIR BOBBY ROBSON
BBC

Charlie Mann: It was a sitter wasn't it?
Jim Jefferies: I think it was more of a proverbial sitter.
Sportsound

"The atmosphere here is thick and fast"
CHRIS KAMARA
Sky

"Ian Pearce has limped off with what looks like a shoulder injury."
TONY COTTEE
Sky

"Referees don't come down here with a particular flavoured shirt on."
STEVE COPPELL

"He's got a heart that's as big as his size, which isn't big - but his heart's bigger than that."
KEVIN KEEGAN
Radio 5

"The Bulgarians are doing all they can to waste every last inch of time in this match." COLIN McNAMARA
Radio 5

"The Belgians play like their fellow Scandinavians, Denmark and Sweden."
ANDY TOWNSEND
ITV

"With eight or ten minutes to go they were able to bring Nicky Butt back and give him fifteen to twenty minutes."
NIALL QUINN
ITV

"Dennis Bergkamp is like an English equivalent of Teddy Sheringham."
TREVOR BROOKING
Radio 5

"Livingston can certainly feel aggrieved because that was a definite injustment."
JIM DUFFY
Sportscene

"You'd expect Desailly to take the net of its hinges with that one."
ANDY TOWNSEND
The Premiership

"You felt this was the sort of game that needed a goal to break the deadlock."
RON JONES
Radio 5

"Barcelona have still got star-studded players."
SIR BOBBY ROBSON
ITV

"He's fallen into a coma of competitiveness."
CLIVE TYLDESLEY
ITV

"Our goalkeeper didn't have a save to make in the whole 90 minutes yet he still ended up conceding four goals."
JOE ROYLE
BBC

"We got the quarter-finals of the Scottish Cup and that's not to be sneezed at."
BILLY McLAREN of Stranraer
Sportscene

"He should have felt he probably scored then."
TREVOR BROOKING
BBC 2

"It's something in my life I wouldn't have lived through if I hadn't experienced it."
ALEX McLEISH
Sportscene

"Chelsea are the team who can break the Arsenal and Manchester United monopoly." RON ATKINSON
ITV

"Bristol City will be attacking their fans in the second half."
GEORGE GAVIN
Sky Sports

Matthew Bannister: Were you rooting for Celtic?
Guest MP: No, but that's not because I wasn't rooting for Celtic.
RADIO 5

"Abou retaliated but the fellow went down as if he was dead, and then started rolling around."
HARRY REDKNAPP
Sky

"There'll be no siestas in Madrid tonight."
KEVIN KEEGAN

"It was still moving when it hit the back of the net."
KEVIN KEEGAN

"That would have been a goal if the goalkeeper hadn't saved it ."
KEVIN KEEGAN

"Chile have three options... they can win or they can lose."
KEVIN KEEGAN

"You don't score 118 goals in 120 games by missing from there."
KEVIN KEEGAN

"Football's always easier when you've got the ball."
KEVIN KEEGAN

"I came to Nantes three years ago and it's much the same today except that it's completely different."
KEVIN KEEGAN

"You wonder if the sands of time are catching up with Brazil."
KEVIN KEEGAN

"A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm ... and it nearly came off." KEVIN KEEGAN

"Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders"
KEVIN KEEGAN

"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock."
BARRY VENISON

"The Croatians don't really play well without the ball."
BARRY VENISON

"They've picked their heads up off the ground and now they've got a lot to carry on their shoulders"
RON ATKINSON

"He's made endless runs into that position."
RON ATKINSON

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it. You can see it all over their faces."
RON ATKINSON

"Moreano thought the big defender was going to come up behind him and give him one really hard."
RON ATKINSON

"I'm afraid they've left their legs at home."
RON ATKINSON

"He sliced the ball when he had it on a plate."
RON ATKINSON

"All the Paraguay players all sank to their feet."
DAVID PLEAT

"And Seaman, just like a falling oak, managed to change direction."
JOHN MOTSON

"Apart from their goals Norway haven't scored."
TERRY VENABLES

"He was in the right place at the right time but he might have been elsewhere on a different afternoon."
TONY GUBBA, BBC1

"Hagi has got a left foot like Brian Lara's bat."
DON HOWE, Channel4

"The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the goalpost's eyes."
STEVE COPPEL, Sky

"It's an end of season curtain raiser."
PETER WITHE, Radio 5

"Wimbledon are putting balls into the blender."
RODNEY MARSH, Sky

"As long as we stay in the cup we've got a chance of winning it."
STEVIE KIRK, Sportsound

On the retirement of disgraced Argentinian smackhead Diego Maradona:
"It's a pity he couldn't have gone out on a high"
ANDY GRAY

"He's got two good feet... his left and his right."
GORDON McQUEEN, Scotsport

"He's captain of Rangers and that's one of the reasons why he's captain"
WALTER SMITH, Radio Clyde

"You always get a good game against Celtic, especially at Tynecastle and at Parkhead."
SCOTT CRABBE, Radio Clyde

"He couldn't have hit it better if he'd hit it himself"
GERRY CREANEY, Radio Clyde

"I'd rather have the opposition looking over their shoulders at me than me looking over my shoulders at them."
TERRY CASSIDY, the Celtic Collection volume 3

"Only one goal in Scotland so far today, Dundee 1 Falkirk 1..."
SKY SPORTS

"It's just a pity that we only lost 1:0"
TOM BOYD, Valencia v Celtic, Sportsound

"As far as the money goes in the English Premiership, the goose has been well and truly milked."
GRAHAM SPEIRS, STV

"They must be young, they must have desire and they must have legs."
CARLTON PALMER, talking about the kind of player he wants to buy for Stockport

"We'd already beaten them 7:1 and 4:0 this season so we knew we were in for a hard game this afternoon."
BARRY FERGUSON, Sportsound

"Last week we beat Celtic, Kaiserslautern and Hearts. that's nine points out of nine."
DICK ADVOCAAT, Sportsound

"It's been a very bright opening start to this game."
MURDO MacLEOD, Dundee v Celtic

"The Derby fans are walking home absolutely silent in their cars."
ALAN BRAZIL, Talk Sport

"He's the one who can open the key."
GERRY ARMSTRONG, Celta v Alavez

"Gareth Barry's been told by Howard Wilkinson to take a long hard look at these with his left foot."
JOHN MOTSON, BBC

"Windass will come from behind, which is where he will come from."
KEITH BURKINSHAW, Radio 5

"The West Brom manager is putting his mouth where his hopes are."
REPORTER, Sky Sports

"It could be bad news for Andy Sinton. His knee is locked up in the dressing room."
GEORGE GAVIN, Sky Sports

"The gelling period has just started to knit."
RAY WILKINS, Sky Sports

"It's going to be a particularly hairy game from now on now that they've got that goal between their tails"
JOE ROYLE, Channel 5

"He should have put that on his naturally right sided foot."
JACK CHARLTON, Channel 5

"That would have been interesting if it had gone in... instead of being deflected."
JACK CHARLTON, Channel 5

"He's got two sides, his left and his right."
CRAIG BROWN, Sportscene

"You need the money to buy players but you can't get the players to raise the finance. It's a virtuous circle"
DICK CAMPBELL

Every green seat has a bottom on it and they've made some noise in here tonight."
JOHN RAWLING Radio 5

"Four minutes to go... four long minutes... 360 seconds."
 alaistair alexander  Sportsound

"Their biggest threat is when they get into the attacking part of the field."  ron atkinson ITV

"They're floating up on a sea of euphoria and hoping to drag themselves clear of the quicksand at the bottom."
PETER JONES Radio 5

"And then there was Johan Cruyff, who at 35 added a whole new meaning to the word anno domini."
archie mc pherson STV

"The youngster is playing well beyond his 19 years. That's because he's 21."
DAVID BEGG